Daphne has just one more half-day of school before she’s off for the summer.

In case the message behind that horrified old man’s face up there is too opaque, summer break has historically been a challenge.

Last summer, for example, it truly felt like Daphne was doing her damnedest to tear our household apart. She threw tantrums at least a dozen times, every single day. And no amount of swinging, playing, walking, music, videos, snacks, singing, dancing, or 100% rapt and undivided attention from her parents was enough. She just screamed and wailed…
All. Summer. Long.

To say this put a serious strain on our household would be putting it mildly. And, after several weeks of this, Jen and I both became quicker to frustration, were less patient, and generally turned into some pretty unhappy people. Our child’s anger and constant shrieking was wearing us down and, because there was no reasoning with Daphne to get her to stop, we ended up sniping at one another instead. Which, obviously, makes things worse.
Fortunately our relationship is strong and we communicate pretty well. We both saw exactly what was happening. Unfortunately, the problem was there was no escape from it. From the time Daphne awoke in the morning, until she screamed herself to sleep at night, our lives were dictated by an inconsolable child.

We’re not perfect parenting machines.
We’re not Special Needs Mommy/Daddy concepts.
We’re just people.
And it wore us out.

So, this year, we’re trying some changes to our summer routine…

It’s likely that Daph becomes upset and disregulated when she’s unsure of what’s happening and what’s coming next. After all, she already has a daily routine throughout the school year that helps her make sense of what, to her, is an almost entirely uncontrollable world. And when things deviate from that schedule, it probably feels pretty scary.
So we’ll start by ensuring she gets up and goes to bed at the same times each day, just like during the school year. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but that’s why it’s up here at #1. Should be low-hanging fruit.
Speaking of fruit, I have no idea what’s happening in that AI-generated calendar image up there. The thing that looks like a razor-sharp grapefruit claw is apparently called a “TUDEK.” And the radioactive apple with Frankenstein bolts is a “CALIIK.” Sounds like it’s raiding the Klingon dictionary for these…

I’ll admit that last summer we were pretty bad on this one. Daphne had just about unlimited YouTube Kids time which turned out to be a parental Faustian bargain. Sure, in the short term she’d settle down and sit quietly. And her mother and I would get a blissful respite from all the yelling. But once she no longer got the same input/stimulus from listening the same songs and videos, over and over and over, her mood got so much worse.
To remedy this one, we’ve already started a pretty rigid schedule of when (and for how long) she’s allowed to watch YouTube Kids. For example, once we sit down at the dinner table all videos are off for the rest of the evening. (She does still get to listen to music on her talker, though, as mentioned in this post.) Much like the bedtime schedule above, we’re going to keep that same ruleset in place during her summer vacation.
Also the two kids in that picture are apparently staring at the back of their iPads. I suppose that’s one way to limit screen time…

Looks like Hieronymus Beach…

Um, so last summer we totally Did Stuff.
I mean… I’m pretty sure we did some stuff.
Er…
Come to think of it…
No, Freddit Prinze Jr. I have no idea What We Did Last Summer.

I mean, I’m certain there were hikes at some point. And some lake swimming. Maybe a pool or two? And I’m certain about this because I’m going through the pictures in my camera right now and looking to see exactly what the hell we did.
So, in an effort to combat these event doldrums, Jen and I have put together an ambitious list of things that we want to do with Daphne this summer, appropriately named, “Daphne’s Summer Adventures – 2024.” We’ve printed out the list, and it’s currently stuck to the fridge.

There are 20 more boxes on there for activities to complete, and just 10 weeks of summer vacation to do ’em in. (Also, when we factor in various grandparent visits, the total days we’re working with shrinks significantly.) The hope behind this list is that Daphne will be able to visually see each activity she does and, as a result, exercise some semblance of agency in choosing exactly what she wants to do next. An “okay, let’s go to the board…what do you want to do today?” kind of scenario. (Obviously the trip to Sarasota Springs and the Vermont Symphony & fireworks at Burke are one-offs, but most of the others she could potentially choose more than once.)

And that’s it. That’s our summer plan. And I pray to God these things actually work out and result in a better vacation than last year’s. Otherwise it’s back to the ol’ AI drawing board.

Actually that’s a fantastic point. Let’s see what ChatGPT has to say about entertaining a 9-year-old with autism during the summer…

Keeping a 9-year-old with autism entertained and happy during the summer can be challenging, but with the right approach, it can be a fulfilling and enjoyable time for both of you. Here are some strategies and activity ideas:

Create a Structured Routine

Children with autism often thrive on routine. A predictable schedule can help reduce anxiety and behavioral issues.

1. Visual Schedule: Use a visual schedule with pictures and words to outline the day’s activities. This can help your daughter understand what to expect and when.
2. Consistent Routine: Try to keep a consistent daily routine. Include regular times for meals, activities, and rest.

Outdoor Activities

Spending time outdoors can be very beneficial.

1. Nature Walks: Go for walks in the park or nature trails. Collect leaves, rocks, or flowers.
2. Playgrounds: Find playgrounds with equipment suitable for her age and abilities. Some playgrounds have inclusive equipment for children with different needs.
3. Gardening: Start a small garden together. Planting, watering, and watching plants grow can be very rewarding.

Creative and Educational Activities

Engaging your daughter’s creativity and learning can be both fun and beneficial.

1. Arts and Crafts: Set up a space with art supplies. Let her paint, draw, or do crafts.
2. Music and Dance: Play her favorite songs and dance together. Musical instruments like drums or keyboards can also be fun.
3. Reading Time: Choose books that match her interests. Interactive or sensory-friendly books can be particularly engaging.
4. Educational Apps and Games: Use tablets or computers with apps designed for children with autism. These can provide educational content in an engaging way.

Social and Communication Skills

Helping your daughter practice social and communication skills can be very beneficial.

1. Playdates: Arrange playdates with understanding and supportive friends or family members.
2. Social Stories: Use social stories to help her understand social situations and appropriate responses.
3. Role-Playing Games: Act out different scenarios to practice social interactions.

Calm Down and Quiet Time

Having a space and time for her to relax and decompress is crucial.

1. Quiet Corner: Create a quiet corner with pillows, blankets, and her favorite calming items.
2. Mindfulness and Relaxation: Teach simple mindfulness or relaxation techniques. Apps designed for kids can help with this.

Community Resources and Support

Look for local resources that can provide additional support and activities.

1. Special Needs Programs: Many communities offer summer programs specifically designed for children with special needs.
2. Therapies and Camps: Occupational, speech, or other therapies can provide structure and social interaction. Some camps are tailored for children with autism.

Personalized Approach

Every child with autism is unique. Pay attention to what your daughter enjoys and what triggers negative reactions.

1. Preferences and Interests: Focus on her specific interests and build activities around them.
2. Flexibility: Be prepared to adjust plans based on her mood and needs.

Communication and Feedback

Keep open lines of communication to understand her needs better.

1. Regular Check-Ins: Ask her how she feels about different activities.
2. Positive Reinforcement: Praise and reward her for participating and expressing herself.

By combining structure with flexibility and focusing on activities that meet her sensory and emotional needs, you can create a summer that is enjoyable and enriching for your daughter.

All good ideas, AI. Appreciate it.

j.s.